Yesterday was D’s fourth birthday. We had a quiet morning; he and Peter played and I baked star-shaped cupcakes for his birthday dessert. After lunch, the boys went to the neighbors’ house and played for an hour and a half, then we went ice skating (which he enjoys). I made pizzas for dinner. After watching Peter’s birthday celebration last week, D was thrilled to have his own turn to blow out candles and open presents (he said forcefully, “Just D. Not Peter.”). We gave him the preschool version of the French question and answer thing we got for Peter (unfortunately, it’s too hard for him, but hopefully he’ll get there) and a game where you use colored geometric shapes to make different designs. That’s a little challenging for him, but not beyond him. To end the day, he got to sit on my lap for bedtime prayers (lately the boys have been fighting over who gets to sit on my lap for prayers, so we’ve been making them take turns).
Kids’ birthdays are generally celebratory occasions, but my overall mood yesterday was sort of melancholic. D is four years old, but he’s so far behind in some important areas, like communication skills and general knowledge of the world. We’ve been pouring a lot of love and attention into him and he has made some great progress since he came to live with us, but four months of good parenting doesn’t make up for all the things he needed and didn’t get in the three and a half years before. What would he be like now if he had gotten the care he needed? Is is still possible for him to reach that same potential or has he suffered irrecoverable losses? Those are questions that I can’t answer. I have to try not to think about them because they just make me sad and don’t really help anything. I’m honestly quite scared about what will happen when he starts junior kindergarten in the fall. We’re not sure now which school we will send him to; it’s hard to know which one will best meet his needs. I try to remind myself that there’s still lots of time for him to develop; he’s only been with us a little over four months and there are about seven months left before schools starts. Still, I’m steeling myself for having to deal with special education stuff–I’d say the odds are that he’s going to need more than just the general education program, at least for next school year, and possibly longer.
D is a cute little boy. He is sweet and loving; he likes to hug, kiss, snuggle, tickle, chase, flip, and have other pleasant physical interactions. He is friendly and has good social skills (from greeting and leave-taking to apologizing sincerely and consoling people who are sad/hurt). He has a great visual/spatial memory. He can predict what landmarks we will drive by because he knows what’s along the roads we take frequently. He knows the main sound associated with each letter of the alphabet (capital and lower-case) and a good number of digraphs (like “ch” and “ai”). He’s getting the hang of blending sounds and is good at identifying the first and last sounds in words (other than frequently mixing up “first” and “last”). He loves to “go church sing songs” and just generally loves music; he hums and sings much of the day. He has attached well to our family and seems happy living with us. Sometimes I question whether we’re really the best family for him, but we’re what he’s got now and we’re providing him a life that’s a heck of a lot better than what he had before, so I just have to hope and trust that it will all work out for him and for us.
I have very limited insight, of course, but for what it’s worth, I think you guys are a wonderful family for D. It sounds like he already knows a lot of useful things (I wish I knew more adults who knew how to apologize sincerely!), and I know you’re providing a great environment for him to learn what he doesn’t know yet.